I have a mental illness — and I am exhausted of it

It is not like the movies. It is ugly and pretty fucking bad.

Laura Connesson @ Unplash (Free image)

“How many times have people used a pen or a paintbrush because they couldn’t pull the trigger?” — Virginia Woolf

Everyday it seems like a battle because everyday anything can happen. It is a battle when you cross biased people, when you cross weird looks when you are having a unexpected panic attack (although all of them are unexpected), when you cross people saying names about you when they discover you are mental ill, when you cross jokes about “crazy people”, when you even cross doctors who make less of your condition. This all happens too often. The entire world, our society, is not made for people with mental illness and the ironic thing is that today’s society makes it easier for people to develop mental issues like anxiety disorders. We live in a world where there is no place for us but is not allowed for us to get out of here. And when we try to change this world, to make people more conscious about those things, it seems like we are shouting in a room full of deaf people. No one is hearing us. A lot of times I think I am going mad when I try to voice my thoughts. Perhaps, I am in fact losing my mind, slowly. Who knows?

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Engineer student, aspiring writer and activist. My life is a mess. | I write in English and/or Portuguese. she/they

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Alessandra Figueiredo

Engineer student, aspiring writer and activist. My life is a mess. | I write in English and/or Portuguese. she/they