A short story about me and my alcoholic mother

Photo by me

I have been to therapy for two years now and I am yet to learn the valuable lesson of “you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved”. But you must agree with me that it is hard to understand that when the person in question is your mother. Right?

My mom. The person who gave birth to me. The very first home that I knew.

It all sounds very poetic, but the reality is not that beautiful. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom, but our relationship is…

Photo by David Martin on Unsplash

It’s quarantine

I’m back because the new you are gone

In a place far away

Where I can’t reach

Because the barriers aren’t just emotionally

But they’re real too

So I’m back for the old, that I got stuck for so long

And I always wondered if

I’m really free because if I shake myself too much

I can feel the chains that kept me in the same place for too long

So yeah, I’m back

And the depression is coming again

She’s reaching out and I am out of air from all the running I’ve been making

I’ll just let her take me this time

What I can lose this time?

Quarantine feelings is so much like suicidal feelings

A short look at how the LGBT community seems to forget who our heroes are

I sadly watched a film that told the history of Marsha P. Johnson, one of the most knowingly black LGBT activists, Stonewall veteran, without knowing the film had being stolen from a POC trans woman¹ by a white man — and this is the base for this entire essay, or rant if we are going to be real about it, as it is the base for our LGBT movement today and has been since day one: white-middle-class gay people stealing the power of more marginalized people within our community, denying, by doing that, our very past.

It was until the…

The most important and most ignored facet of menstruation

There is no scientific research to support this statement, but I believe that every woman remembers the first time she menstruated. It is something that after a while becomes very natural and routine in our lives, but most of us probably panicked the first time they saw that amount of blood coming out of there. Menstruation is still taboo today and although we have countries with nuclear arsenals capable of destroying the planet, we also have countries where women do not have access to something as simple as an absorbent.

I must admit that I have never been so concerned…

A faceta mais importante e a mais ignorada da menstruação

Não há pesquisa científica que me apoie nessa afirmação, porém acredito que toda mulher se lembre da primeira vez que menstruou. É algo que depois de um tempo se torna muito natural e rotineiro em nossas vidas, mas a maioria provavelmente entrou em pânico na primeira vez que viu aquela quantidade de sangue saindo dali. Menstruação ainda é um tabu atualmente e apesar de termos países com arsenais nucleares capazes de destruir o planeta, temos também países onde mulheres não têm acesso a algo tão simples quanto um absorvente.

Devo admitir que eu nunca me preocupei tanto com essa questão…

Why am I so drawn to stories about rape and abuse?

It would be normal for someone who has been abused to feel trigged by it, but after all this time in therapy — which isn’t long, to be honest — I feel somewhat okay to consume this kind of media. And let us be clear about what type of media I’m saying: it’s like Jane’s partial story in Big Little Lies or Charlie’s background in The Perks of Being a Wallflower or the Netflix’s short series Unbelievable. This type of media. …

Photo by me | Cidade Universitária

I never knew indeed the truth. But doing therapy teached me somethings.

For starters:

  1. My depression, whose I kindly call Sísifo, is the voice in my head that is loud when my depressed crises are on. He looks like Gollum, he yells all the time in my head and never says something nice. He tells me to kill myself, that the people that are supposed to care for me are trying to kill me. We all can agree that Sisifo is not a nice person.
  2. My mania, that just recently I discovered was real, has no name. I didn’t think…

Mark Segan.

It is June. And it is #pridemonth, as I write I see Medium’s logo with a pride flag at the left top of the page symbolizing the company support to the LGBT+ community. My journey with coming in terms with my sexuality is dated since the day I was born; my Dad wanted to give me a boyish name (I know names don’t have a gender, but sure as hell I would have suffered much more bullying when I was a child being a girl with a common boy name) because he always wanted to have a baby boy. I…

It is not like the movies. It is ugly and pretty fucking bad.

Laura Connesson @ Unplash (Free image)

I am a firm believer in spread information using scientific paths — it tend to not spread fake news and is a solid ground. However I want here to simply rant about something very personal — that I am not quite sure everyone who suffers from mental illness go through — the fact that it is exhaustive to live with it.

For those who don’t know I have been diagnosed with depression and some types of anxiety disorders; I probably have those two since forever but it only became official when I had my first panic attack at age 13…

A minha jornada pessoal com antidepressivos não é muito longa, ela começou em Agosto de 2018, e num mundo onde o tempo é a chave principal quando se trata de doenças mentais 8 meses não é muita coisa. Porém para mim, esses 8 meses foram extremamente agitados e essenciais; mudei de medicação uma vez, tive um episódio suicida, comecei terapia pela quinta vez, tive coragem pra abrir a caixa de Pandora que são meus traumas do passado e com isso tudo minha perspectiva da vida sofreu alterações irreversíveis.

Antes de mais nada eu sei que a experiência com remédios controlados…

Alessandra Figueiredo

Aspiring to be many things, including writer. This my word's home. | I write in English and/or Portuguese.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store